23 09 2009

I was sure I’d be so traumatized by my mammogram last Thursday that I’d need to blog immediately afterward. You know what? It really wasn’t that bad. But I did promise I’d tell all, so I now present to you:

My Mammogram: The good, the bad, and the very, very ugly.


It didn’t really hurt. I know, I was just as surprised as you! After all I’ve heard about the misery of the mammogram, I was sure I’d be in utter agony. Obviously it’s not something I’m planning to do for fun (“What do you want to do today?” “Hey, I know–let’s go get another mammo! Whoo!”), but it’s not something I’d refer to as painful.


You know, there should be a limit to how much someone of your non-preferred gender can handle your girls. I vaguely recall being slightly taken aback the first time a lactation consultant reached out and grabbed my nipple, but this was way beyond that. On the other hand, I’m fairly certain I wouldn’t want a man hauling around my bosoms in such a way, so it’s a tough call.


I never, ever needed to see my boobs like that. Like, ever. It was a giant mammary pancake, and it was ATTACHED TO MY BODY.

So there you go. Get your mammograms, ladies. It’s not the funnest thing in the world, but I guarantee (although I don’t have first-hand experience, this seems like a no-brainer) it’s better than cancer. Or a pencil in the eye. And yes, that is my gauge of how miserable something is. No, I lie. My pain scale is based on unmedicated manual dilation of my cervix. But somehow a pencil in the eye seemed a little more relatable and a little less depressing.

You’re welcome.




4 responses

23 09 2009

Keep blogging – I love your wit!! Still need to schedule my giant mammary pancake appt. I”m now frightened to think how far these D’s might spread!!

23 09 2009

I would agree 100% with your assessment including, but not limited to, pancake boobs. I will say, though, my sad DDs (Trish…) were smashed into fast submission. Sadly, I was thankful that the machine jacked my face upward and contorted my neck so that I didn’t have to see the carwreck happening on the plates below. Getting old is AWESOME.

24 09 2009

LOL! Mammary pancake. I am grateful I haven’t had to do this one yet, but glad to hear that it wasn’t too awful. 🙂 Hoping for a clear outcome for you too.

11 10 2009

I didn’t find it really painful either…it was mostly the yuck factor, like you said.

That said, I’ve always been told it is more comfortable for those of us who actually have some “mammo” to “gram” (retching yet? you’re welcome!)…it’s the little girls that have to be grabbed and pulled and pinched to get anything in there that suffer.

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