Slow News Day

18 03 2010

*When I pressed the “Publish” button, the vindictive gods of the internet sent my post into limbo. A chunk of it was saved in draft form, but I want you to know how I suffer for this blog. Note to self: More burnt offerings to the internet gods needed. And possibly a virgin to toss in a volcano. Aha! Virgin starts with V! I’m totally going to send Big G to preschool tomorrow with instructions to get up during show-and-tell and announce, “Virgin starts with V, and I’m a virgin!”

I’m kidding. Please don’t call DCFS.

Note to self: Perhaps need to keep some internal ramblings private, as they reveal that I am, in fact, utterly loony.

I’m so tired I can barely see straight, which makes it rather difficult to write a witty blog. I know some of you are thinking I’m not particularly witty even when I’m well-rested, to which I say…shut up. You’re dead to me. But I committed to one post a day, and I’m determined to make it something more than, “Well, I don’t have anything interesting to say. One week down, 51 to go! Woot!” That would defeat my entire purpose. (Can you imagine, though, if I did that EVERY day? “Day 73. Doing okay. Not much to say. More tomorrow!”) Besides, I always have something interesting to say. Wait, did you just laugh? Seriously. Completely dead to me.

Obviously it’s a slow news day all around, as evidenced by this story on KSL. Read that story, and then let’s discuss how that even qualifies as newsworthy–especially in Utah. Let’s also discuss how many Bumpits can tastefully be used by one family. (Hint: The answer is ZERO.)

Okay, it’s 12:30 am and I’m falling asleep on my keyboard. If you managed to read this far, I shall reward you by sharing the name my sister-in-law told me about today. Let’s picture the setting: You have a brand new, beautiful baby girl. You want to choose a name that reflects how lovely she is. You turn to your significant other and say, “Let’s name her…Genocide.”

Not making that up. Apparently they thought it sounded pretty. I’m kind of disappointed by that explanation. Honestly, I was really hoping they were white supremacists. Which sounds completely wrong, because I  don’t actually hope people are white supremacists, but I think you know what I mean here.

This post is getting progressively worse, so I’m going to stop typing now.

Only 358 posts to go! Woot!




5 responses

18 03 2010

Jenn, we all know that you’r utterly looney, why do you think we al love ya so much? 🙂

19 03 2010

The funny thing is, I read it as bum-pits. I was thinking, what are bum pits? Like outhouse holes?? Then I realized what it really was, which was not quiet as funny as my first thought, but funny none the less. 🙂

23 03 2010

When I originally saw that KSL story I thought, “Those girls look like they’re wearing Bumpits, but that couldn’t be true–this is Utah!! And Draper, for heaven’s sake!” But upon review, I think you’re right. EVERY New Mexican girl between 12 and 80 wears Bumpits. And has drawn-on eyebrows. At least there’s one thing I won’t have to leave behind when I leave NM (the Bumpits, that is).

23 03 2010

Trust me, you won’t be seeing the last of the drawn-on eyebrows when you leave NM.

24 03 2010

How can you stand it? Those girls in that news article? No one looks like that when they’re in labor. Only in Utah. What a state. They look like they’re at a freaking salon, not pushing 10 pounds of human out of their vaginas! Oh, and on the same day, no less. Someone call KSL! Oh wait . . .

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