Easter Bunny Angst

3 04 2010

A few people have been shocked that I don’t do the whole Easter Bunny thing. I hide eggs, do candy, etc. but I don’t claim it’s from anyone but mom and dad. Here’s my big secret: I hate the Easter Bunny.

I admit, I have a few religious objections. I don’t lean to the right politically and I’m not a nutjob (at least, not concerning religion), but we celebrate Easter as a religious holiday rather than the start of spring, and the Easter Bunny seems to detract from that.

So that’s my holier-than-thou version of why I eschew the Easter Bunny. But really? He freaks me out. Behold:

"What's he do? Nibble your bum?"

Okay, seriously? I’m going to tell my kids that sneaks into our yard while they’re asleep? Look at his soulless eyes! His nasty, big, pointy teeth! Those paws reaching toward you as you desperately try to escape! Run away! Run Away!
 
But even if he didn’t look like the result of genetic engineering gone so very wrong, the whole concept of the Easter Bunny is creepy. I don’t particularly want any large animal skulking around my yard with a basket full of eggs, even if they are filled with delicious chocolatey goodness which he uses to lull you into complacency. It’s just not right.
To make matters worse, while looking for photos of the Easter Bunny, I ran across this gem:

"Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it?"

It’s like somebody dressed as a bunny escaped from a psychiatric facility. This horror came from a website that offers singing telegrams and balloon deliveries. “The Easter Bunny will bring a full basket of Easter Treats for your kids, spouse or special friends along with Magic, singing, stories, and optional musical accompaniments.” And a lifetime of therapy. And I just noticed that Magic is capitalized, so now I’m thinking she brings a box full of Magic: The Gathering cards with her, which catapults the whole experience into something truly surreal.

I’m not a total ogre. I’ll do the Santa thing and probably end up playing the tooth fairy. But giant empty-eyed, egg-bringing bunnies? A girl’s gotta draw the line somewhere.

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6 responses

4 04 2010
Denise

Now, I’m laughing hysterically as I used the SAME photo!!!

4 04 2010
danessa

ok, So we don’t do it either, and I have been really honest with Naomi about how the Easter Bunny isn’t real, It’s mom and dad….hm, that went well until she told the whole class about the Easter Bunny rouse…her teacher wasn’t really pleased. But honestly, Easter is about Christ. Not some manic bunny that gives out treats. Don’t we warn our kids not to take candy from strangers?
*I do the Santa thing too, but you gotta draw a line SOMEWHERE!!)

4 04 2010
Amber

We’ve never really perpetuated the Easter Bunny either. I’m not big on ‘gifts’ at Easter and my kids don’t get a ‘basket’. We color eggs and they do an egg hunt and get chocolate- but that’s pretty much it. Some years they get new Easter dresses and some years they don’t.

4 04 2010
Heidi

Were you traumatized by “Donnie Darko”…?

Just wondering. 😉

4 04 2010
jenndola

Funny you should ask that, Heidi. I actually considered using a photo of Frank, but in the end was too creeped out to do it. Plus, he’s not really an Easter Bunny either.

5 04 2010
Erika Hill

David Sedaris has a hilarious story about taking French lessons and trying to explain the “rabbit of easter” to a bunch of French people who insist that it’s a giant bell that brings candy to the masses.

The Easter Bunny doesn’t even make logical sense. Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy are at least people, and as parents around the world prove, people are capable of sneaking around and bringing presents. Bunnies don’t get big, and they don’t have anything to do with eggs. And I’ve never seen a pink bunny.

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