Mastering the Art of Preschool-speak

5 04 2010

Is there a secret code somewhere that states Big G must be as incomprehensible as possible without actually presenting with diagnosed speech problems? If you have a 4-year-old, you know what I mean. I feel like I’m training for his teenage years–half of what he says is mumbled, and the other half is yelled. One of our biggest problem areas is the car. He’s in the back seat, talking nonstop, and I can’t decipher about half of what he’s saying. This presents a significant difficulty when he wants feedback (you know, every other sentence).

If you’ve experienced this at all, I present to you: Preschool Conversation 101. It’s a pretty easy course, I must admit, since it only involves one lesson. Are you ready?

Repeat the last 3 words of everything he says.

I know! It’s ridiculously simple! Sadly, I’m guessing many of you already know this, and I’ve suffered for over a year because you’re all inconsiderate jerks. If you haven’t yet caught on to this trick, I’ll give an example.

Big G: Mumblemumblemumblemumble really big mountains. Right, mom?
Me: Yes, really big mountains!

Seriously, this totally works. I feel like a fricking genius. Somebody contact the Nobel Prize committee! I’m like that lady who communicated with gorillas! Only without actually understanding the real meaning of anything Big G is trying to tell me. But hey, if the conversation doesn’t end with him royally pissed at me for not responding to his unintelligible comments, I’m calling it good.

The funny thing about Big G (and I’m guessing most kids in this age group) is that he’ll randomly pop out things like this gem: “Mom, that is utterly delicious for me.” Utterly delicious? Seriously? (FYI, he was talking about the water he drank straight from the tap.) I’ve decided to blame this on the hoity-toity preschool he attends, since obviously he doesn’t get that highbrow vocabulary from me.

Kind of unrelated but not really because I’m still (as usual) talking about Big G…he was back in “I’m going to tell a joke” mode today. My personal favorites:

Big G: Mom, say knock knock!
Me: Knock knock.
Big G: Who’s there?
Me: Banana.
Big G: Bwahahahahah!

Big G: Knock knock!
Me: Who’s there?
Big G: A casserole! There’s a casserole in your house!
Big G: Now laugh!

What can I say? I laughed. Wouldn’t you?




5 responses

6 04 2010
Kristina P.

Definitely. He sounds utterly precocious!

6 04 2010

Hey found you on MMB! The sad thing is my husband using the same method for communicating. Sad really.

6 04 2010

You are exactly like that lady with the gorillas! 😛

9 04 2010

yeah, i figured that trick out 4 YEARS AGO. sorry i didn’t share. but you didn’t ask. ask and ye shall receive, jenny, duh!

11 04 2010

Found you over at MMB! So funny, I love it! It is true that repeating the last three words usually works. Unless they’ve just asked you if they can do something that you absolutely won’t let them do in that first mumbled part. Happens here all the time.

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